“Legal commentator” Nancy Grace usually spends the time on her eponymous TV news program discussing crimes that have already been committed by other people. As a victims’ advocate, she often goes to any length necessary to condemn the accused, regardless of that “burden of proof” nonsense. Sometimes, she doesn’t even need a victim to be an advocate, as explained in the case of Whitney Houston on The Daily Show, by Lewis Black, one of the greatest things to happen to the world of comedy in the last several years.
Yesterday, however, was different. Apparently, Nancy used her show to discuss crimes she plans to commit. She posted this on her Twitter feed at 1:50 yesterday afternoon:
How do you strangle your own toddler to death with a bra? Taking your calls RIGHT NOW: 877-626-2901
— Nancy Grace (@NancyGraceHLN) March 5, 2012
You guys, I think Nancy Grace is looking for your advice on how to strangle her own toddler to death with a bra! As soon as I saw her call for help, I immediately asked my own trusty band of Twitter followers for recommendation as to how Nancy Grace should strangle her own toddler to death with a bra. The only advice I got was from excellent pitch data researcher Will Rodeffer:
— ‘Sup Future Employer (@Screwball77) March 6, 2012
As helpful as that recommendation may be, I’m still somewhat disappointed in you guys. I mean, Nancy Grace is trying to strangle her own toddler to death with a bra, and you hardly gave her any tips! The least you could do is tell her what brand of bra to use or how long to hold her toddler in it! But don’t worry – there’s still time. As far as I know, Nancy Grace has not yet strangled her own toddler to death with a bra. You can still send her your recommendations to her Twitter page. So what do you say, guys? Let’s help this poor, mentally unstable woman strangle her own toddler to death with a bra and send her to a prison/asylum so that we don’t have to listen to her making shit up on all of her radio and television shows anymore!
-Gilbert Gottfried at the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget